Alright. I'm coming to terms with it. I can't ignore it.
I'm over-weight.
Now before all the claims of "you just had a baby!" and so on just wait and you won't say the same. I've been over-weight for quite sometime. And I hate it. I keep trying to keep it a secret but who am I kidding? How can I keep it a secret? The reason for my denial? I'm scared. Scared I will be fat forever.
I've never had success in losing weight. I hate working out. I hate dieting.
I'm not joking when I say I think I have a food addiction. I need FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous) is there such a thing?
I've bought work-out dvd's, joined gyms, tried various diets, started work-out routines. But I never stick to anything. I have no will power and zero determination. Because in the back of my mind there is always a voice saying "you know you're going to quit eventually...just quit now and go to Taco Bell). Or maybe I'm just lazy?
So now I have to decide what to do.
There is a gym really close to my house. $20 a month. But what would be so different about this time? I don't want to spend the money if I'm not going to actually do it. Some people say, "Work out with a friend", but I just talk the whole time and don't even sweat.
Or do I just accept it and be fat forever? I'm tired of wasting money and hopes on ever being thin again. I have 2 kids, a husband in school, a house to keep running and small amounts of spare time.
It's a trial.
9 comments:
Hmmm, first of all you are not heavy. I am heavy, you just have a few pounds you could do without.(Honest truth) However, EVERYTHING you talked about I understand. I have been through it, oh many times now. I have come to conclusion that for people who love food, doing without it is never going to be the answer, rather changing the kind of foods we eat is what's going to help us. Little kids, student husband, limited finances,stress about the future etc... make it less than ideal to eat the right kind of foods that are eaqually satysfying as Taco Bell, as you mentioned it. My run to place is Wendy's. Junior bacon cheesburger, fries and a frosty-my staple when I have not had a chance to cook. Now, I suppose I would equally like a nice healthy piece of salmon, a spinach arugula salad with lowfat rasberry vinegarette and oven roasted sweet potatoes on the side, let's say. Top it off with a low fat sorbetto for dessert and I'd be one happy girl,and not even think of that greesy cheesburget. But the good stuff cost at leat $25, while the fatty cheesburger and fries cost only $3! Anyways I keep telling myself that soon my husband will not be a student anymore and I will be able to afford better food, even when I do not cook. In the meanwhile, I will continue to plan as healthy and nutritious meals as I can given my less than ample budget. Then (this thought occurred to me just a couple of days ago) I am going to find a trail or a scenic route, or any route that is about 3-5 miles long and walk it 4-5 days a week. I think by eating the best we can (without beating ourselves up whenever we can't) and doing some sort of physical activity consistently is a more realistic goal, than strict dieting and doing the same boring exercises at the gym! So, this is what I am going to try once the weather becomes a little more bearable over here. Let me know what you come up with as I would love any new ideas that I can actually stick to as well! Wow, long comment, sorry!
I just did a diet. Lost 11.5 pounds in 15 days, Message me on FB if you want more details :)
since you're asking, get a treadmill. They you can watch all of your favorite shows while you walk/run on it as the kiddos are napping.
you CAN do it! I did it! I lost almost 20 lbs and kept it off for 2 years. I wouldn't waste the money on the gym. I would find a home workout that has OPTIONS so you don't get bored (and something that has cardio/weigts so your body get results fast), is QUICK so you don't get discouraged about the amount of time you can or can't spend doing it, and has a MEAL plan thats easy to follow. I did the "firm" and honestly it was the BEST! It had the meal plan, it had "express" options for quick 20 minute workouts on my busier days, and tons of options for me to choose from. It changed how I feel about exercise and how I feel about myself. I also just recently started doing "cook this not that" recipes... everthing is under 350 and all the recipes makes 4 servings so its perfect for families. I am now really in to health and fitness so let me know if you have any quetions! I got my degree in health science and my minor is nutrition. I have faith in you! Wish I could be there to help you more!!!
www.devinandwhitney.blogspot.com
why can't we live near eachother. we sound too much alike in the "i hate to diet/exercise i love food' department. seriously. at least you had a baby 3 months ago. im still so heavy from when i had D 2 years ago!! haha and since trying to get pregnant, i probaby should lose a good 10 lbs at least. And if you really ARE overweight... you hide it well. i wouldn't think you were. however me... why do you think there are never pictures of me up on the blog or facebooK! haha.
um ps. im curious about the diet in the comment above me.... so if she messages it to you, could you message it to me!? thanks! HANG IN THERE! hopefully the weather will get better and you can start going on walks.
It helps me to be poor. That way I have to home make everything we eat and I don't eat as much. Because there simply isn't as much food to go around. And I only buy seasonal veggies and fruits. And we do a lot of u-pick. We eat little or no red meat. And we never went out for fast food because it wasn't in the budget.
The warm weather should help because you will be able to get out more. Did you get a double stroller yet?
It helps me to think of why I like to be fit. It also really changed my perspective when I had Charlotte. I want her to have a mom with a healthy body image because that will help her feel good about herself. So not talking badly about my body in front of her has helped me talk about it less overall. Which, in turn, has helped me feel better about myself overall.
But really it is still a hard thing that I struggle with every time I see myself in the mirror or see photos where I am not sucking in. Or any time I try to pull on a pair of jeans. No matter what anyone says all I can see are my problem areas.
Counting calories has worked for us. (Calories in vs. Calories out.) We use a program that does all the math for us, so as we enter things in it takes care if all the thinking. It's like a money budget- you have "x" amount a week, go under/stay with in= lose weight/maintain, go over = gain. With that I feel like since I can have anything I want, I don't feel I deprive myself and can't ever have anything. And I find it's all about choices- if I choose to eat poorly, leaving me more hungry, I eat more and go over my budget- If I choose to eat thongs with more protien and fiber, I feel more full and have better success. We mostly eat the same, finding different alternative to high cal foods, and the thing that's helped the most- was portion controll. But then again- it's worked for us.... Ultimately finding what works for you, your lifestyle, budget, etc. will be different than someone else.
These are all really good, inspiring comments. I'd like to add a different take. It's going to sound super preachy, but here goes:
Read your scriptures, go to the temple, fast (not to just skip meals) and pray for the willpower to feel better about yourself and give you the ability to make the changes you desire. It's all got to do with changing your heart.
For some people, it's changing their heart so they can get over drinking or smoking, but I know that Heavenly Father is equally concerned about us when we mistreat our bodies in other ways, including becoming overweight.
If you are trying to force yourself into something without the inside desire behind it, it won't work. So seek for the strength from your Heavenly Father. I often go to Him in prayer over this same issue. It's an ongoing struggle, but the Atonement is there for every type of struggle in life.
Also, while there isn't an FAA organisation that I'm aware of :) there is a really good program from the church called the Addiction Recovery Program. It sounds like it's just for drug addicts or something by the title, but really the course is for anyone who is trying to overcome anything and about building you up so you can handle everything life throws at you. You can get the book through the church distribution center, and could do the "course" on your own for your personal study time or for Family Home Evenings or something.
Really I think it's a struggle we all go through for most of our lives. And it's hard not to get discouraged. But don't let it get you down. Weight is weight, it doesn't translate into you being a bad person or you not being good enough!
There you go, preach over. Love you sister!!!
Same here Michelle! And I haven't even had kids! I had to look deep inside me and figure out what I wanted. I want to be healthy for my family, future kids and me. I don't want to be paranoid about looking fat and I want to feel good. My aunt told me to try and eat foods that are as close to the natural state as possible and to allow myself one thing a day that I really want. That's been helping but I'm still avoiding a scale! Good luck!
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